One of the experiences the child care workers, who are involved in supporting children during stressful times is a concern about some who do not respond to every form of support.
In the photo above, the third flower went out of focus, because it was moved by a breeze. It was influenced by something that it could not overcome.
All children who are slow responders to personal developmental efforts, are those who have 'intangible' facts operating in their lives and not just the current crisis alone!
A nine year boy, who was physically abused by his alcohol dependent father, does not show any sign of grief towards the loss of his father in the recent landslide. The psycho-social worker felt overtly concerned about it and the way he was behaving without any sense of loss of his father disturbed the care giver. It was on listening to a neighbour, who described the family dynamics, the care giver was able to get a sense of what is at the subconscious level of this child. His was physically abusive as he was alcohol dependent. For the boy, it is relief from physical abuse rather than feel the grief over the loss of his father!
I hope, while the care givers are active with supporting children for recovery from shock and grief, they would also keep in mind the under currents in the family or class room background of some children, because of which their behaviour can look odd.
The majority of children follow the main stream pattern of behaviour.
When one or two children show different behaviour or response to the support measure, take time to feel with them, as they may carry a story hidden in their subconscious, which would be known only when we are gentle and patient. What makes children conceal their stories or suppress their feeling is when, we do not allow the space and pace they need to be confessional, expressive or responsive.
We are not to focus on symptom relief of grief or sorrow or anger, but become attentive to the inner world of happenings, which in an early or mid childhood are highly subjective and personal. We might not see reason or logic for justifying an odd behaviour of a child! And yet, what he or she feels or carries within is genuine and is a story with a different tone and perspective than that of others.
Remember to be more steadfast and supportive of children who are outside the mainstream of behaviour. They are different temperamentally and attitudinally. They perceive, internalise and respond differently.
The two normal looking flowers and the one looking blurred!
The one looking blurred, an odd child has his or her personal story that is different from the usual!
Remember them with mindfulness; they carry a mystery which shall make their lives richer, if we do not compel them to conform, but allow them to be themselves!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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