Parenting presence !

 

I normally look at flowers to get the front view. Only in the recent years, I also take time to look behind the flowers. 

It is when we look behind the flowers, we get to see how a flower is held firm by its stem. 

A child is rooted in his or her family and is held by his her parents in an embrace of love. 

This embrace of love is expressed in different ways on a day-today basis. Only when, from infancy a child can feel this proximity with parents physically and emotionally, there is a prospect of a child blossoming in the childhood years. 

The parenting presence is an experience parents can offer to children from infancy for them to grow up with a sene of nearness to parents and belonging to the family.

It is necessary to avoid any form interruption to this process. 

The reading times, play times, meal times, bed times, walks and outings, creative activities, sibling times, neighbourhood times and social times are the usual ways which parents can use to give this attachment process essential for the emotional security of children in the preschool years. 

I remember a family with their two pre-school children tell me once, that 'their time is for their children'! I felt moved by that statement. To be able to consider that parent's time is for children is a true mark of parenting instinct and calling!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Alterntives to screen time!

The above  photo of bird feeding at the feeding corner is a daily occurrence in our garden! It took about a month for the birds to feel secure to come and feed, after we started this practice  about a year ago. Now the birds come looking for food in the morning; in case we are late to fill the feeding bowls, they make loud calls from their perch in the courtyard. 

I wonder if parents of pre-school children can take an interest to introduce to them a habit of observing birds. If you leave a bowl of food wherever there is a space to accommodate visiting birds, the birds would come. One has to choose the food depending on the birds who normally visit the site. 

To have an activity of bird watching included in the routine of a pre-school child is desirable, to develop in them observational skills and attentive habit! 

It is almost a desperate need for many parents to look for alternative to screen time that pre-school children are used to now. 

I hope parents would commit themselves to protect pre-school children from prolonged screen time. From a daily habit of three to five hours, we need to reduce screen time to about an hour a week, each time not exceeding fifteen minutes. This ought to be co-watching time,  when one adult sits with the child to create a conversation about the scenes for a conversation later. 

The social, language and interactive skills of a pre-school child is enhanced by playful activities, which enlarge exploration and offer new experiences!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The searching look!

This Imperial green Pigeon is a regular visitor to our garden when the nutmeg fruits are plenty in the trees. Now, that it is not the season for nutmeg fruits, the visit of the pigeon is only occasional. The above is the photo of one in the pair of pigeons. The other was behind, hidden in the foliage. 

The imperial pigeons feed on fruits, nuts and legumes. It's tilted neck indicated that it was intently searching for a nutmeg fruit as it was the tree that pigeons visited during the fruiting season. Its ability to see at a distance is one of its special features. 

The pigeons are often well groomed and have an aesthetic appearance. The green imperial pigeons live in forest areas and come to gardens searching for fruits. 

I remember showing to three pre-school children photos of different species of pigeons, sometime early this year. One question they asked me was, 'who combs them'?  What a searching question. They being used to be assisted by their mother to get ready, including grooming the hair, had a legitimate question when I pointed out the well groomed body of feathers of pigeons. 

I was fascinated by this question. It was a spontaneous question of a pre-school child. I realised that as adults such a question might appear redundant. A pre-school child is not used to have his or her groomed unless someone else did for him or her. These are like other first time questions that a pre-school child might ask. One child saw water pooled in the courtyard during rain. When the rain stopped the courtyard was dry. The pre-school child's question was, 'where did the water go'?

I feel encouraged when two years old or three years old children ask such questions as those questions are linked to their observation, thinking and enquiring process. 

The responsibility of adults towards pre-school children is to expose them to different experiences to stimulate them to observe, think and raise questions. When the adults can stay ready and the lead children to an observant habit, children would evolve to think  and ask questions. That is active learning, which would be natural to what we would like to see pre-school children develop. 

While reading from books or narrating experiences or sharing our observations to them would be necessary, it is of greater importance to turn our pre-school children to be thinkers and enquirers by making them to see, feel and experience. 

That is the way to turn our pre-school children to be original in thought and authentic in pursuit of making associations!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A small start!

The two birds above, King fisher and Magpie robin are common birds in any garden. 

A father told me that his son of three years urges him every morning to look for birds. This started since he used to point out to him birds in the garden even when he was one and half years of age. Now he has become familiar with about thirty different birds and has his own collection of pictures of birds which his father took for him. They are on display in the bulletin board in the dining hall. This boy has a story to talk about them. When they have visitors for a meal, he shares something related to birds during the conversation, pointing to the birds on the board. 

When he gets time, he goes on his own to the book shelf and looks at the bird books. He carries a book of birds with him when he goes for a picnic or outing. His parents bought him a binocular for his third birthday. 

When many parents try to wean their pre-school children from viewing the TV for cartoon and comics, here is a good illustration of a three year old child getting spontaneously occupied with birds and their habitat, and behaviour. His question to his parents is: when will birds come to nest in their garden!

There are different ways that parents can introduce pre-school children to the environment. This boy is also interested in watching seeds sprout in the soil. He is a companion to his mother while she does some kitchen gardening. 

Getting a pre-school child interested in the happenings around the home is a good way of introducing activities that takes them in to different experiences and interests!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Promoting attentiveness !

A bird can be seen perched hidden and quiet for several minutes. Their instinct is to fly. But they balance it with still periods. 

Often parents raise a question as to how to sustain the attention of a pre-school child!

Most pre-school children grow up in a distracted home environment. In the earlier years when I grew up, most homes did not have a TV or a land phone. Today, the natural traction is towards the TV viewing in most homes, whenever there is free time. Each adult member of the family would have a mobile phone. The telephone conversations draw the attention of pre-school children. The homes run according to the rhythm of adults. It is only in few homes, I noticed a deliberate plan to make the environment child friendly when children are awake. 

We enhance the attention of pre-school children by engaging them to focus on activities which are good for promoting their understanding, interest, observational skills and interaction. 

Most pre-school children hold their attention, when they are involved in doing some paper craft, like drawing, colouring or make a scrap book; when they are read to from a picture book, when sung to along with their participation in actions, during narration of events in which they participated, or playing with toys to promote imagination and make-believe concepts....! These habits are to be regular and a few times during the day for the child to have a focus on what would generate an interest to hold his attention. 

Attention is a cognitive function. It is when a child is able to process a visual or auditory information, a child gives his attention by choice. 

Many parents who introduce the pre-school child to TV viewing is making a child passive by seeing the entertainment on the TV screen, which involves only transient attention on any scene as each scene is moving fast. We reduce them to be ultra short in attention by introducing them to visual screen in the TV or mobile phone in early childhood. 

Instead if we promote interactive play and promote observational and narrative skills, we promote the loop of comprehension- seeing, hearing, doing, feeling, processing, understanding, memory and recollection! This form of integrative learning does not take place unless parents and a pre-school child engage in joint activities of interest to children!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A child's Corner!

Anna and I placed a root of a tree in our lawn, below which we kept a water bath. Since then we have birds coming for their drink. A small provision, but valuable for some birds who normally live around gardens. 

A small provision which parents can make for their pre-school child is  a Child's Corner at home. 

A child's corner consists of exploratory toys, books, art materials, colour pencils, soft toys for make belief play, and a Bulletin board to display drawings and  pictures which a child might would create. 

Let me a share a video link for parents look and get an idea about a Child's corner at home:

https://youtu.be/1e/ONrsUbwkA

The above video was edited and uploaded by Ms Shalini Shaji when she worked at the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at MOSC Medical College. 

A Child's Corner would help a pre-school child in five different ways:

It creates a physical space for a child to consider it as his own with a child's table and chair along with a cupboard. This gives him or her a sense of belonging. 

The Child's corner becomes an activity corner where a pre-school child spends his or her time. The older siblings also share this corner  for group activities. 

It is a corner to which parents also come to engage a pre-school child in play. The parent-child interaction takes place regularly as parents create time for interactive play.

Most pre-school children require a physical space to come back to and feel comfortable to be surrounded by interests that he or she is fond of. The rest of the house is often designed to meet the utilitarian needs of the family. 

The pre-school children get used to a routine from early childhood to play and work on their own space, which gives them a sense of stewardship. They grow up being responsible to things that they have. 

A Child's Corner is a space where a child expresses his or her identity!

A bird bath is a place a where a bird comes to routinely. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The skill of observation!

For a pre-school child, watching this rose flower can be fascinating because it has shades of pink, drops of water on the petals, it is drooping and appears dissimilar to other flower in the garden. 

The sense of observation is an essential part of pre-school formation. Most children by about three years are ready to capture details of what they see or hear. 

The 'why' questions emerge during the conversations. Sometimes the 'why' questions are without clear answers and appear complex to simplify to the level of understanding of the child. 

A wise mother told me about her daughter who often watched her cook leading her to ask many 'why' questions. When the mother was asked, why their dog was brown in colour, she asked her daughter to point out to all the items in the kitchen with brown colour. That engaged her and made her move about to observe. 

Some children are verbal with their usual style of asking, which can be turned into a new learning experience. Her mother asked her daughter to bring the colour pencil set and scribbling pad and draw lines to find the different shades of brown. Following this she was asked to look around in the bed room for objects with shades of brown colour. 

What the mother sensed about her daughter was a significant observation. Her daughter would develop skills of observation, which was what was appropriate at her age rather than engage in repetitive why questions, at an age when her mind cannot comprehend the answers to all the 'why' questions. 

The difference between observation and perception for a pre-school child is that observation involves association. To perceive that an ambulance is usually white in colour needs an understanding that the  white colour has a symbolic meaning of 'peace'! But she can easily associate the white coloured ambulance with a cross, to be a vehicle meant to carry sick people to the hospital. It is that form of association, which is a prelude to developing perception or comprehension in the later years. 

When the mother read to her daughter about elephants, what struck her daughter was about its trunk. Her next question was, 'why their dog does not have a trunk'? The mother took out the encyclopaedia and showed how each animal has some common parts like eyes, ears, legs, but different parts like trunk, long tail or short tail, large body or small body. That went on to showing her pictures of birds to emphasise that they have wings and only two legs whereas, an elephant or a dog  have four legs. 

The sense of observation is an important pre-school skill, which parents can introduce to their pre-school child to find the similarities and dissimilarities of colour, shape, size or dimensions around them. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Learning from parents !

A pre-school child is a keen observer. From about two years, a child is sensing and feeling the environment. 

The immediate environment of a pre-school child is the ambience of the home created by his or her parents. 

When a child grows up in a home, where his parents relate to each other cordially, harmoniously and regardfully, it becomes an example for his social and reciprocal behaviour. When he hears polite conversations between his parents and watches his parents show respect and regard towards each other and share in the household chores, it impresses upon a child about some foundational values. 

Sometimes we complain about the habit of a pre-school child of demanding rather than asking and open to negotiate. I wonder whether we pause to think that a pre-school child picks up this habit from what he witnessed at home!

It was while watching this pair of Bulbuls restfully perched, I got a glimpse of the comfort level they share to be still ! It arises from a relational intimacy!

If the pre-school children can experience this relational intimacy between his or her parents, it leaves profound impact on a child to grow in trust towards his parents. A child grows in trust, when a pre-school child finds his parents always ready to receive and comfort him! Even when he or she shows an erratic behaviour, it is not threatening, scolding or punishment, which would bring change in a child, but a gentle caring approach to help him to choose another way. 

The pre-school period is a formational season in a child's life. All experiences are first time encounters. The unfamiliarity to a situation unsettles a child. It is when one of the parents explains to a three year old child, how and what to do, while visiting a neighbour's home he or she gets an introduction to the socially acceptable behaviour. 

One responsibility of parents toward their pre-school child is to make every opportunity for introducing the nuances of behaviour education. Many parents end up correcting a pre-school child because he or she was not introduced to the practice of desirable behaviour. 

A pre-school child is an observer, learner and imitator! His formative education in sound behaviour and character is part of the parenting responsibility!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The attachment process!

The rose plant when rooted in the soil gives flowers. It needs attention to grow and becomes its full potential, when allowed to grow by nurture and nutrients. 

A pre-school child is a vivid illustration of this fullness of life! A family offers the ambience, a pre-school child needs to be formed to enter into the journey ahead through the schooling years. 

The first child gets about two years exclusively with his or her parents before the next child arrives. Those two years fulfil some significant parenting roles. 

One parenting role is to make a child feel in the first two years to grow in a sense of attachment. 

The theory of attachment suggests that it can evolve into four different patterns: Secure, Avoidant, Resistant, Disorganised. 

The attachment between the parents and the child in the first two years becomes secure, when the child receives undivided attention. An infant at four months, while crying is calling for attention. If the child has to cry for long,  before being carried and comforted or his or her needs met, receives a message of emotional distance from the care givers. 

It is when such a negative experiences occur incrementally a child avoids seeking for attention. He or she indulges in self pacifying by exploring body parts, holding on to objects that give some pleasure or behaving in a moody manner without wanting to relate or socialise. This avoidant behaviour is not healthy for subsequent psycho-social formation. 

When a toddler has slipped into self absorbed ways, he or she becomes resistant to play, interact and stays detached. The feeding times turn out to be difficult and parents tune in the screen to occupy the child and the child is fed passively. Such children have difficulties to sleep or occupy oneself playing. The crying spells disturb the parents and parents can communicate angrily to the child.  

When such a pattern emerges, the attachment behaviour gets disorganised. The normal attachment process has three phases: primary comfort level with parents or care givers which develop from about six months; by about a year, a child is ready to tolerate others although stranger anxiety persists for most of the second year; and a child is ready for social interaction and can stay away from the care givers for short period of time, when strangers can engage a child  meaningfully.  When a child is not able to go through this process developmentally, the attachment behaviour is disorganised. 

A rose flower is an expression of a well tended rose plant. 

The attachment process is what prepares an infant and toddler to grow into a stable attachment behaviour, which is akin to the good soil that nurtures a rose plant. 

Giving primacy of parenting attention to an infant, till he or she becomes a pre-school child is an investment for his or her future. 

The surrogate parenting is not an option, and it can be detrimental. The latest trend of occupying a child during infancy with screen time is a disservice to a child. He or she is emotionally pre-conditioned to be relational to parents or care givers, and not to the screen. The screen time interrupts the normal pathway of cognitive, behavioural, social and communication functions! The media exposure makes the attachment process disorganised!

An infant or toddler is an asset in the garden of life! Give him or her full attention to make his or her later years full of prospects!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

A father and Mother beside their pre-school child!

I remember a mother mentioning to me about her morning walk with her three years old son, during which her son's main occupation was to look for birds. He heard the bird calls and located the birds. The mother observed that her son was attentive to musical tunes. During the singing  at the prayer  time in thier home, this child was often attentive. She bought a Xylophone for him, which he used to make tunes of different notes.

It was this interest in appreciating different tunes and produce them on the Xylophone which made her consider that their son had a musical ear. He was singing by four and in a choral group at five years and starting on piano lessons at six years. 

This special experience started with  the morning walk, when this boy paid attention to bird calls. 

Now in his teenage years, he is nature lover, gardener, bird watcher, pianist, choral singer, and a class leader supporting his friends in the musical performances in the school. 

All because a mother found time for her son. 

It was his father's turn in the evening to play outdoor games, take him for swimming and read to him children's stories at bed time. His interest in Badminton and Table tennis made him to play these games at school. 

A child blossoms when surrounded by parents who create time and turn their interests into creative exploration!

A home is a formative influence on a child during his or her pre-school years!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A nature walk!

What a child needs at pre-school entry between three and four years is the skill of observation. 

One practical way this skill can be introduced to children from the time they are able to move about in the garden, is to point out different events and movements in nature. 

If we were to look around in the garden during the winter months, one might be able to watch caterpillars and cocoons in plants. In fact the life cycle of a butterfly would be visible to them, much before they would have seen it in pictures in their story books. 

A nature walk for a pre-school child is to be guided by what the child is ready to observe.  Instead of loading information about many things that adults are fond of, it is better to follow the interest of a child. 

I remember a father stopping the walk when a child sat down to watch a caterpillar, which then became the starting point to turn attention to butterflies. I was told that it took a week or so before the child was ready to move away from butterfly to anything else. He spotted seven different types of butterfly in the garden during that week. He even made drawings of them in his scribbling pad. 

To start where the child is interested in,  is a good way to promote a child centred learning activity. 

The pre-school child does not follow a linear path in learning most of the time. His interests and fancies would change. It is not completeness of information that parents ought to focus on, but to sustain the child's interest and pursuit of interest. 

Often parents get occupied with a class room based approach to learning. The class room is syllabus based. Where as a pre-school child is observant. What he observes becomes the focus of advanced learning. The parents can be active to expose him to what he might be interested in. However, a child at pre-school years can be casual, or from only supernal impressions, he or she is often inquisitive and exploratory. The parents are to be his companions in promoting this observation instinct. 

A pre-school child was fascinated by the shapes of wooden blocks he was playing with. His mother helped him to trace the outline of the blocks in his scribbling pad and colour them corresponding to the colours in the block. What a way of associating information! The three dimensional blocks became a unidimensional drawings on a paper. 

A pre-school child is a beginner in his learning experience. It is good for parents to start from where a child is ready to move on! Let a child lead his or her learning journey with parents adding enthusiasm and discovering experiences!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Pre-school readiness !

 

Looking forward!

The birds take this position on the feeding site in our garden, and wait for the bowl to be filled with feeds. That is how we know that they arrived for their feed. 

The pre-school children look forward to the latter years in their life at school. By the time they are about three years, they have had an exposure to the circle of friends and play mates that they look forward to having more of that experience at pre-school. 

That becomes a common instinct for children to want to go  to pre-school from having been at home thus far. 

They look forward to a fulfilling and cheerful experience. 

Most children find transition to pre-school years easy to adapt to, as they find being with other children giving them a new experience. 

This can happen, if from the age of two years, the home is a place where children can have a variety of indoor and outdoor experiences of play, exploration and experiences. 

I remember a family telling me how much their son of three years looked forward to go to pre-school as it had a mini zoo with birds, rabbits, cats, dogs, aquarium and goats. The child was used to pets at home and associated school with pleasant thoughts. 

The School-centirc view of a pre-school child can be made hospitable when the home based activities in the Child's Corner at home were regularly focussing on the triad of: seeing, feeling and experiencing. That is why activity based pre-schooling is more akin to the readiness level of a pre-school child for non-formal learning. 

Children look towards pre-school experience. They are hungry for exploration and experience. 

I wish that would get addressed first so that the transition to formal leaning of reading, writing, and information gathering would be comfortable for pre-school children! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The aloneness in a garden!

This butterfly, a dark brand bush brown, was resting on a slender leaf, after a heavy down pour, a few days ago in our garden! It might be about 2 cm in size and is hardly noticeable as it blends with the earthen colour. 

It moved from plant to plant and then moved away to another part of the garden. They have a silent presence in the garden. 

Following the landslide in Wayanad, several children are displaced from their families and home. They live in the relief camps. They live among adults who are grieving over loss of their loved ones, houses and their possessions. Children too have their sense of loss and bereavement. 

Amidst this, professionals have a responsibility to recognise the unspoken suffering of children. Often children are silent about their loss and grief. Adults cry, express, share, ask for help! Often younger children withdraw, become moody, sleep less, avoid playing and stay isolated. Their silence expresses internalised grief. 

Just as the little butterfly remains unnoticed, children can  go through  suffering silently. 

A personal engaging time with each child if possible every day is important to help them to express their concealed anguish or hidden fear.

I hope we would recognise that children are likely to be more vulnerable to feel lonely, and fearful !

Adults recover faster as they have the cognitive skill to process and develop their coping skills with the help of cognitive behaviour support. Children are not cognitively experienced enough to process disappointments and loss. That calls for friendships which would protect them and make them feel endeared towards a healing relationship. 

The personal friendship developed through play, conversations, narrating stories, and encouraging them to pursue their creative skills become supportive and restorative!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The responders and the exceptional!

One of the experiences the child care workers, who are involved in supporting children during stressful times is a concern about some who do not respond to every form of support. 

In the photo above, the third flower went out of focus, because it was moved by a breeze. It was influenced by something that it could not overcome. 

All children who are slow responders to personal developmental efforts, are those who have 'intangible' facts operating in their lives and not just the current crisis alone!

A nine year boy, who was physically abused by his alcohol dependent father, does not show any sign of grief towards the loss of his father in the recent landslide. The psycho-social worker felt overtly concerned about it and the way he was behaving without any sense of loss of his father disturbed the care giver. It was on listening to a neighbour, who described the family dynamics, the care giver was able to get a sense of what is at the subconscious level of this child. His was physically abusive as he was alcohol dependent. For the boy, it is relief from physical abuse rather than feel the grief over the loss of his father!

I hope, while the care givers are active with supporting children for recovery from shock and grief, they would also keep in mind the under currents in the family or class room background of some children, because of which their behaviour can look odd. 

The majority of children follow the main stream pattern of behaviour. 

When one or two children show different behaviour or response to the support measure, take time to feel with them, as they may carry a story hidden in their subconscious, which would be known only when we are gentle and patient. What makes children conceal their stories or suppress their feeling is when, we do not allow the space and pace they need to be confessional, expressive or responsive. 

We are not to focus on symptom relief of grief or sorrow or anger, but become attentive to the inner world of happenings, which in an early or mid childhood are highly subjective and personal. We might not see reason or logic for justifying an odd behaviour of a child! And yet, what he or she feels or carries within is genuine and is a story with a different tone and perspective than that of others. 

Remember to be more steadfast and supportive of children who are outside the mainstream of behaviour. They are different temperamentally and attitudinally. They perceive, internalise and respond differently. 

The two normal looking flowers and the one looking blurred!

The one looking blurred, an odd child has his or her personal story that is different from the usual! 

Remember them with mindfulness; they carry a mystery which shall make their lives richer, if we do not compel them to conform, but allow them to be themselves!

 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Giving Time!

There is a political, social and economic chaos all around us. There is a political turmoil in Bangla Desh. On account of natural calamities, there is social distress in some parts in India. With wars and threats of war, there is an economic distress predicted globally.

We live in a climate where people live consuming and giving is less than natural or spontaneous. 

The flowers above practice giving nectar all the time. They remain open to bees, insects, and butterflies. The flowers give unconditionally and live to be used for others. 

Following the landslide in Wayanad, there is a new wave of giving among people. 

One form of giving is offering time to be with people who are grieving over their loss and bereavement.  

I came across reports and photos of volunteers, being with children who are in relief camps, to engage them in group activities to give them an experience of catharsis. 

I wish that there would be few volunteers attached to each relief camp to engage children daily, to give them an occasion to express themselves and to listen to their experiences! They need to feel cared for!

It is a time for giving! There are people in different situations of need and distress! 

Giving brings opportunities to receive. We grow by giving and receiving!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

When a Tailor bird does not sing!

 It is most uncommon for a Tailor bird not to sing its tune. That was what has happened during the last week with heavy rain disturbing its flight movements. 

I saw in the social media, a group of children in a relief camp, entertaining themselves with different performances. I noticed volunteers encouraging them to perform!

I watched their dull faces, feeble voices, and burdened body gestures. They related less and looked lost and disengaging. 

The shock and grief after having been displaced from their homes and some having lost members of their family, following the landslide in Wayanad, is the normal phase of transition. 

Most pre-school children process loss and grief in a temporal way, missing their toys, clothes, bed, pet, friends and those who took care of them. At three to five years, they miss what has been familiar and close to them, which formed part of their routine. So they would miss going to school, play outside their home and do the usual things they were used to. Their loss will be felt in an incremental way. It is in three to four weeks, the larger dimension of grief and loss would get expressed in their behaviour. 

What they would need are one or two companions with whom they can be in regular contacts and conversations, which would help them to feel connected and accepted. If they have lost a member of the family, the sense of loss would become an experience gradually. It is good to observe their sleep behaviour, social communication, feeding habit, play orientation, and mood in response to different situations. 

If they feel cared for by someone being available to engage in conversation, play, and narrating stories, they would feel insulated from fear overtaking them.

The fear of more loss afflicts some pre-school children! It is important to protect them from slipping into that abyss. 

The earlier they can go to a school the better. The earlier they can be in a home to restore their routine, the better.  While they are at a relief camp, a routine for the day, can be created with children of similar age clubbed into groups for group activities of interactive learning under the  supervision of a volunteer familiar with children or a trained teacher. I wish there would be a space for activities of children in the relief camps!

The tailor Bird would soon sing, once the days are sunny and bright!

These children too would gradually recover, although the sense of loss and grief can be a recurring experience for two or more years. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A turbulent beginning !

 A rose flower as it emerges from a bud, thrives on bright sunshine, moist soil and protection from Beatles who feed on the petals. 

An infant in the first six months after birth, thrives on a parenting environment of breast feeding, playful engagement, intimate body contact with the care giver and attending to the regular needs of the infant. An infant who grows up in such an environment, develops the attachment process and builds on that emotional bonding to move on to attain the developmental sequences of infancy. 

How does an infant learn the source of sound! It is because the baby hears sounds repeated and develops an orientation response to that sound with similar tone in the environment. Every mother while cuddling her baby would use sounds and voice to engage the infant to  establish facial contact. Why does an infant turn the head from side to side by about two to three months? It is because the baby gets oriented to human face associating with the voice. Why does the infant around three moths lift head or steady the head when carried! It is because an infant by about three months sees till about 2 meters, locates sound and associates sound and sight when they are constant and frequent. 

A mother holds the baby close to her and the baby feels warm, secure and comforted. An infant sleeps faster in mother's arms than when placed on a couch. The way the baby is fed on breast, changed when wet and carried when feeling cold or frightened by large sounds or bright light, gives the baby an emotional nearness to the care giver. It is a habit of most mothers to sing to the baby, carry the baby for short or long periods when awake, and use sound makers or visually engaging toys to give the first time experience with the toys. The secure feeling when the baby is wrapped up in warm clothes, is a comforting experience. Usually an infant by six months gets exposed to the father and other immediate family members and behaves in a familiar way when they engage the infant. 

All the above first time experiences will be lost for the few infants below six months, when displaced from their home following the landslide in Wayanad last week. I am yet to be sure if those few babies are bereft of mother, father or other immediate family members. 

An infant by six months is now in a new environment in a relief camp, without the familiar couch, physical space and comfort of the home. With parents and family in distress, the parenting response would be different from what an infant was used to. 

An infant usually expresses discomfort by crying, which cannot be easily consolable. Such babies cries till they, in exhaustion goes to sleep, but with interruptions without the regular sleep time of two to three hours after a feed. 

I wonder if the relief camp would have a quiet space, preferably a room where mothers can come to feed their infants! I wonder if the available care givers who were familiar with the baby alone attends to a baby in this transition time as too many unfamiliar care givers unsettle the emotional nearness, an infant needs to feel secure. 

For most infants, around six months of age, six to eight weeks will be a transition time to become familiar with new care givers. If mother is unavailable or breast feeding gets discontinued, to get the baby to be fed artificially will be another transition stress to the infant and the care givers. 

An infant is conditioned to experience stability of environment, which was what an infant had for nine months in the mother's womb and in the first few months of infancy.  

Now if the infant has been displaced of the home environment, following the landslide, what is needed is to create another stable environment to which the infant can get readjusted!

The photo of the rose flower above is a symbol- it is fragile, fragrant, and fresh. Its life as a flower is a short time. 

An infant too is similar in the first six months. Most of what is to follow during the next six months till the first birthday is a continuation of the experience of the first six months. 

Let this thought occupy the attention of all those who are involved in caring for infants around six months- a stable, constant, playful, comfortable environment to give continuity of emotional, physical and 

soil environment!

It is necessary to weigh such infants in transition every week, observe their bowel habits to know if they are adequately fed, and a keep diary of their sleep rhythm  to observe if there is a structure that is emerging for the day time and night time behaviour. An infant turns over from back to front by six months. So care to give safety of space for moving in the bed !

I wish a nurse or doctor familiar with infants will observe the infant's behaviour once every five days to look for anything unusual. When an infant is displaced, the immunisation schedule can get dislocated. This needs attention. If the infant is artificially fed, the strict protocol of sterilising the feeding vessels ought to be monitored. If formula feeds are used, the planning to give sufficient calories as the weight increases is another crucial factor!

A displacement from the warm and familiar environment for an infant of six months is a traumatic experience. Our efforts are for lessening the impact of that separation arising from displacement from the familiar environment and to restore semblance of stability and continuity! 

There might be other mothers who are still breast feeding their infant, who might offer to breast feed the infant, if the mother is not available. Whether this is suitable is a medical decision, to be taken jointly by the health care professionals and the family of the infant. 

An infant is in transition by six months as important developmental sequences follow on, between six months and the first birthday. 

The parents of the infant, if they are present, bear the brunt of displacement. They with their other upheavals are vulnerable to anxiety, insomnia, and anorexia. They need support and enablement to adjust amidst their loss and grief. 

If the mother is breast feeding, there might be a sudden reduction in the quantity of breast milk. That calls for attending to take care of the mother, monitoring her food intake, hydration, sleep and emotional state!

The professionals in the relief team would need support for their own wellness as they are listeners and providers in this stressful situation. A weekly debriefing and a break of one day every five days would be desirable.

A psychosocial team, attending to the needs of the professionals will be necessary to safeguard the wellness of the professionals, as the situation is highly stressful for every one in the relief camp.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The Wounded Hills !

The birds spotted in our garden in isolated trees during a heavy rain , three days ago,  brought me close to the experience of children who were  displaced from  their home after the landslide in Wayanad, early this week. The birds who are normally in groups, now are alone, looking down cast and silent without bird calls. 

The news of children who have lost some members of their family or a parent or both parents in the landslide is trickling in. They are in different relief camps. A photo of a seven year old boy carrying his brother of 40 days in his arms, was  shocking to watch !

I felt moved and want to be involved in supporting these children and bereft families who lost their children. However it is too ambitious for me to do any practical help physically, as my age restrains me. 

But I thought of many professionals who would be involved in offering therapeutic help to children and adults and accompany them through their recovery journey. 

This blog which was inactive for a while, is a forum I want to use to share thoughts and experiences with children, who experienced post traumatic transition in their lives. Children being in different developmental stages of life till they become teenagers, it is often necessary to have an individualised protocol of promoting child development and healing!

I shall use this forum to share experiences and thoughts on different aspects related to loneliness, bereftness or grief, children of different ages experience. 

The silence in our garden,  which has regular bird calls during the day reminds me of the stress, that birds encounter during the incessant rains. 

Children, displaced from their home, school and their neighbourhood  have enough of stressful experiences. If they have suffered bereavement, it adds to the upheaval. 

I start this series carrying within me a sense of loss myself, because, it is only by being with children during their distressing time, one can be an enabler for their pathfinding!

I hope this forum can be a link with professionals,  who are involved as front line care givers, for promoting child development and healing!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)