The overcoming strength!

I marvel the way these flowers in our garden withstand 37 degree celsius for most part of the day!

They have an overcoming strength. 

I have occasions to listen to parents on phone about this experience of  overcoming skills. 

A couple who had their son suffer from a stroke in the new born period  overcame their shock and grief. At seven years when he is left with minimal difficulties and is adjusting well at school, their message is 'we shall overcome'. They overcame that with mother discontinuing her job and staying at home in the earlier years of the child, till he was able to take care of himself!

It points to taking decisions when necessary to respond with all the strength that one has to negotiate a difficult situation. 

The flowers above have a strength that sustains them in the heat and humidity!

The inner strength is a cultivated resilience through times of rest, reflection, and recollections. The interior prayer habit is the resource for many!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The overview and near view!

All pre-school children would need to have his or her learning experiences enriched by an overview and a near view. 

In the first photograph above, one gets the overview of the field with trees creating a foresty appearance. 

In the second photograph, when focussed on one tree in the collection of the trees, one sees a Bulbul engaged in its bird calls. 

It is  important for a pre-school child to get an impression of the whole form. distance and details of the particular at close quarters!

The growing up years of a pre-school child is a blend of these experiences. A child at one year might focus only on the stream that is flowing, but by about 18 months to 24 months a child is ready to watch the fish in the stream and explore more about the fish, its habitat and features. 

The learning process for a pre-school child is facilitated by the assistance he or she receives from the parents and other care givers. 

From the gross, to macro and micro,  observing them is the normal journey which a pre-school child makes. 

When a toy car was presented to a child at nine months he was satisfied with its movements. By about 18 months he got enthused by the wheels and was trying to take them apart to explore. It was his father, who gave him the loose wheels from a damaged toy car that stopped the child from dismantling the toy car. 

We need to allow a pre-school child to be exploratory rather than keep the toys away from his for fear of him damaging them. 

Learning for a pre-school child is a first hand experience of exploration!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Bird behaviour!

A single Bulbul moved between its flight stations in our garden till it found another one to join in. 

All young birds look out for company!

That is similar with young children. A child is alive even more when he or she is with another child or children. They find their identity in friendships and socialisation. 

A parent told me that his two children settle down before the TV screen when they return from school and are reluctant to go to play even after the children in the neighbourhood come to call them. 

This is a disturbing thought. What is normal for mid childhood is friendships and interactive growth. The excess TV viewing makes most children loners and socially less exploratory. The entertainment of the visual media conform them to limited perspectives and creative explorations. 

Friendships and camaraderie upbuild children. Adults need to create the opportunity for children to pursue that. 

I find few boys in the stream below our property who come to play ball game in the stream. They have such fun and imagination that it is entertaining to watch them interact. 

The normal childhood is such an expanse of creative thinking and exploring!

I wonder whether most homes have enough indoor games like a carrot board, card games or puzzles or art materials to engage children!

I wish most homes would have a Child's corner where parents and children can meet to have joint family activities! 

Most children follow the rhythm which parents introduce to them! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Looking in one direction!

I watched this pair of Bulbuls looking in one direction steadfastly during the time they were perched in the stem above. 

It came to me as a message of what families need. 

It is when both parents have similar orientation about the children they contribute to the formative experience of their children with mutual regard for each other. 

In the story of Jacob and Esau, the twins born to Isaac and Rebekha, mentioned in the Old Testament of the Bible (Genesis 15:28), the orientation of the parents toward children was dissimilar. 'Now Isaac loved Esau because he had a taste for game and but Rebekha loved Jacob".

This became a dysfunctional parenting style that following few incidents of distress in the family, Jacob had to leave his home for fear of retaliatory behaviour from Esau. It was after twenty years they met with each other and had a conciliatory engagement(Gen. 33.1-17).

The parenting practices differ between father and mother in some homes, which is a matter of concern. 

It is important that each child feels received and loved alike that no indication of preference is visible in the family dynamics. Each child is a favourite of both parents. 

The equality of status of all children in a family is a message that is essential for the children to carry with them. It gives them a grounding in the family to feel anchored and grow up with a sense of belonging!

The access to the heritage of family ought to be equally shared with all children with no gender difference. The bridal price given and taken is a deviant practice from this essential foundation in family life. 

The parenting attitude influences the thoughts of children. When each child was equal to parents the family life and the adulthood behaviour of children would become wholesome!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A toddler's orientation!

 

I noticed that Bulbuls acquire their perching position in different ways. The way they balance in different positions is a fascinating sight. 

The last photo of a Bulbul engaged in bird calls, while perched at a tall tree caught my attention. It was tunefully singing! 

I remember parents talking about the anxiety their three years old child creates in them, when they notice him climbing over furniture or windows at home. Some parents need to be willing to accept that as the adventure instinct of a toddler. 

The Bulbul needed a tall tree and the open sky above it to sing!

How can parents create ambience for toddlers to feel encouraged to be creative!

A mother told me once that she would sit on the table with colour pencils and a drawing board on the table, drawing and colouring. She does this to get noticed by her toddler daughter who normally is all over in purposeless activities. When her daughter settled down at the table with her drawing book, the end product surprised the mother. Her daughter usually draws something that she observed while at play. The mother was surprised to notice that her daughter drew some flowers similar to what was at the edge of the garden they visited a week ago. 

A mother created an opportunity for her daughter to draw in an enticing way. 

To get toddlers to be observational and expressive would indeed be easier, if it is done naturally and not under pressure! That was what a mother did wisely and effectively!

As much as possible , it is wise to avoid a confrontational engagement with a toddler. A toddler is at an emotional level of responding and reacting favourably, when he or she is given time and attention in a non threatening way! They are uncomfortable when forced or ordered! They respond better to polite and playful approach as they are still in a super ego state, discovering their identity!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The communicating presence !

 

A senior citizen on his morning walk and a teenager on his morning cycle ride !

Two contrasting scenes in life!

The teenager shall become a senior citizen. The senior citizen above, might have been cycling in his teenage years! 

The reversal of roles in life!

This thought gripped me on account of few events recently. What a child shall become is a vision which parents carry upon their heart and give themselves towards childhood formation. 

A teenager is at the threshold of becoming independent of his or her parents. The parents have time till the teenage years to stay close to their children even to be their confidants. What a teenage child grows up to be later in life is to a large extent influenced by how much children stayed intimate emotionally in their relationship with parents. 

It is for the parents to plan their involvement with their children from pre-school years to condition the growing process of their children. The cognitive, affective and moral formation of children takes place between toddler years and mid school years which is around ten years of age. If parenting involvement is consistent, cordial, and communicative, a child would normally find the parents as their role models. They become behaviourally and temperamentally formed by the parenting influence. 

The 'parenting presence' is more than just a physical presence. It is the communicating presence that matters, for which time spent with children  in an interactive way is the pathway!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The now and the later!

The visibility of the road ends as it turns. The visible sights are fascinating to look at. 

I have come across two groups of parents. The first, who make the childhood experiences of their children at home, pleasant and refreshing. The other group thinks a lot about the unknown future of their children and are engaged in planning, that they are less active to stay fully involved with their growing up children. 

A child is now present with us, whom we can influence to give him  insights and readiness to choose wisely, before he or she moves out of the orbit of our homes.  What he or she inherits from our intimate involvement during the early years of their formations would be the ground, on which he or she stands to choose the pathway in future. 

The 'now' of the child development practices is what  parents can focus on. What is ideal is to look for every opportunity to be proactively involved with a child till he or she reaches the teen age years. Parents will get sometimes marginalised from the active role of parents, once a child is a teenager. Even this would not happen, if the earlier years have been intimate with the children where 'friendship' was the ambience of relationship. 

Befriending a child starts from the toddler years of a child. It is good for parents to keep this as their ambition: let our children find us a their first line of contact for all conversations. This calls for creating openness and comfort for conversations. Do children see us as their well wishers or  as those who are nagging to correct them to conform!

The letting go in child development begins here. We can create the environment for the child to grow up loved and feel wanted. When that happens the response of the children would be wanting to reciprocate. 

The parenting role before the teenage years is to bathe a child in the language of love, affirmation and belonging! Then a child follows the good practices of the home!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)