Pre-school readiness !

 

Looking forward!

The birds take this position on the feeding site in our garden, and wait for the bowl to be filled with feeds. That is how we know that they arrived for their feed. 

The pre-school children look forward to the latter years in their life at school. By the time they are about three years, they have had an exposure to the circle of friends and play mates that they look forward to having more of that experience at pre-school. 

That becomes a common instinct for children to want to go  to pre-school from having been at home thus far. 

They look forward to a fulfilling and cheerful experience. 

Most children find transition to pre-school years easy to adapt to, as they find being with other children giving them a new experience. 

This can happen, if from the age of two years, the home is a place where children can have a variety of indoor and outdoor experiences of play, exploration and experiences. 

I remember a family telling me how much their son of three years looked forward to go to pre-school as it had a mini zoo with birds, rabbits, cats, dogs, aquarium and goats. The child was used to pets at home and associated school with pleasant thoughts. 

The School-centirc view of a pre-school child can be made hospitable when the home based activities in the Child's Corner at home were regularly focussing on the triad of: seeing, feeling and experiencing. That is why activity based pre-schooling is more akin to the readiness level of a pre-school child for non-formal learning. 

Children look towards pre-school experience. They are hungry for exploration and experience. 

I wish that would get addressed first so that the transition to formal leaning of reading, writing, and information gathering would be comfortable for pre-school children! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The aloneness in a garden!

This butterfly, a dark brand bush brown, was resting on a slender leaf, after a heavy down pour, a few days ago in our garden! It might be about 2 cm in size and is hardly noticeable as it blends with the earthen colour. 

It moved from plant to plant and then moved away to another part of the garden. They have a silent presence in the garden. 

Following the landslide in Wayanad, several children are displaced from their families and home. They live in the relief camps. They live among adults who are grieving over loss of their loved ones, houses and their possessions. Children too have their sense of loss and bereavement. 

Amidst this, professionals have a responsibility to recognise the unspoken suffering of children. Often children are silent about their loss and grief. Adults cry, express, share, ask for help! Often younger children withdraw, become moody, sleep less, avoid playing and stay isolated. Their silence expresses internalised grief. 

Just as the little butterfly remains unnoticed, children can  go through  suffering silently. 

A personal engaging time with each child if possible every day is important to help them to express their concealed anguish or hidden fear.

I hope we would recognise that children are likely to be more vulnerable to feel lonely, and fearful !

Adults recover faster as they have the cognitive skill to process and develop their coping skills with the help of cognitive behaviour support. Children are not cognitively experienced enough to process disappointments and loss. That calls for friendships which would protect them and make them feel endeared towards a healing relationship. 

The personal friendship developed through play, conversations, narrating stories, and encouraging them to pursue their creative skills become supportive and restorative!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The responders and the exceptional!

One of the experiences the child care workers, who are involved in supporting children during stressful times is a concern about some who do not respond to every form of support. 

In the photo above, the third flower went out of focus, because it was moved by a breeze. It was influenced by something that it could not overcome. 

All children who are slow responders to personal developmental efforts, are those who have 'intangible' facts operating in their lives and not just the current crisis alone!

A nine year boy, who was physically abused by his alcohol dependent father, does not show any sign of grief towards the loss of his father in the recent landslide. The psycho-social worker felt overtly concerned about it and the way he was behaving without any sense of loss of his father disturbed the care giver. It was on listening to a neighbour, who described the family dynamics, the care giver was able to get a sense of what is at the subconscious level of this child. His was physically abusive as he was alcohol dependent. For the boy, it is relief from physical abuse rather than feel the grief over the loss of his father!

I hope, while the care givers are active with supporting children for recovery from shock and grief, they would also keep in mind the under currents in the family or class room background of some children, because of which their behaviour can look odd. 

The majority of children follow the main stream pattern of behaviour. 

When one or two children show different behaviour or response to the support measure, take time to feel with them, as they may carry a story hidden in their subconscious, which would be known only when we are gentle and patient. What makes children conceal their stories or suppress their feeling is when, we do not allow the space and pace they need to be confessional, expressive or responsive. 

We are not to focus on symptom relief of grief or sorrow or anger, but become attentive to the inner world of happenings, which in an early or mid childhood are highly subjective and personal. We might not see reason or logic for justifying an odd behaviour of a child! And yet, what he or she feels or carries within is genuine and is a story with a different tone and perspective than that of others. 

Remember to be more steadfast and supportive of children who are outside the mainstream of behaviour. They are different temperamentally and attitudinally. They perceive, internalise and respond differently. 

The two normal looking flowers and the one looking blurred!

The one looking blurred, an odd child has his or her personal story that is different from the usual! 

Remember them with mindfulness; they carry a mystery which shall make their lives richer, if we do not compel them to conform, but allow them to be themselves!

 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Giving Time!

There is a political, social and economic chaos all around us. There is a political turmoil in Bangla Desh. On account of natural calamities, there is social distress in some parts in India. With wars and threats of war, there is an economic distress predicted globally.

We live in a climate where people live consuming and giving is less than natural or spontaneous. 

The flowers above practice giving nectar all the time. They remain open to bees, insects, and butterflies. The flowers give unconditionally and live to be used for others. 

Following the landslide in Wayanad, there is a new wave of giving among people. 

One form of giving is offering time to be with people who are grieving over their loss and bereavement.  

I came across reports and photos of volunteers, being with children who are in relief camps, to engage them in group activities to give them an experience of catharsis. 

I wish that there would be few volunteers attached to each relief camp to engage children daily, to give them an occasion to express themselves and to listen to their experiences! They need to feel cared for!

It is a time for giving! There are people in different situations of need and distress! 

Giving brings opportunities to receive. We grow by giving and receiving!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

When a Tailor bird does not sing!

 It is most uncommon for a Tailor bird not to sing its tune. That was what has happened during the last week with heavy rain disturbing its flight movements. 

I saw in the social media, a group of children in a relief camp, entertaining themselves with different performances. I noticed volunteers encouraging them to perform!

I watched their dull faces, feeble voices, and burdened body gestures. They related less and looked lost and disengaging. 

The shock and grief after having been displaced from their homes and some having lost members of their family, following the landslide in Wayanad, is the normal phase of transition. 

Most pre-school children process loss and grief in a temporal way, missing their toys, clothes, bed, pet, friends and those who took care of them. At three to five years, they miss what has been familiar and close to them, which formed part of their routine. So they would miss going to school, play outside their home and do the usual things they were used to. Their loss will be felt in an incremental way. It is in three to four weeks, the larger dimension of grief and loss would get expressed in their behaviour. 

What they would need are one or two companions with whom they can be in regular contacts and conversations, which would help them to feel connected and accepted. If they have lost a member of the family, the sense of loss would become an experience gradually. It is good to observe their sleep behaviour, social communication, feeding habit, play orientation, and mood in response to different situations. 

If they feel cared for by someone being available to engage in conversation, play, and narrating stories, they would feel insulated from fear overtaking them.

The fear of more loss afflicts some pre-school children! It is important to protect them from slipping into that abyss. 

The earlier they can go to a school the better. The earlier they can be in a home to restore their routine, the better.  While they are at a relief camp, a routine for the day, can be created with children of similar age clubbed into groups for group activities of interactive learning under the  supervision of a volunteer familiar with children or a trained teacher. I wish there would be a space for activities of children in the relief camps!

The tailor Bird would soon sing, once the days are sunny and bright!

These children too would gradually recover, although the sense of loss and grief can be a recurring experience for two or more years. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A turbulent beginning !

 A rose flower as it emerges from a bud, thrives on bright sunshine, moist soil and protection from Beatles who feed on the petals. 

An infant in the first six months after birth, thrives on a parenting environment of breast feeding, playful engagement, intimate body contact with the care giver and attending to the regular needs of the infant. An infant who grows up in such an environment, develops the attachment process and builds on that emotional bonding to move on to attain the developmental sequences of infancy. 

How does an infant learn the source of sound! It is because the baby hears sounds repeated and develops an orientation response to that sound with similar tone in the environment. Every mother while cuddling her baby would use sounds and voice to engage the infant to  establish facial contact. Why does an infant turn the head from side to side by about two to three months? It is because the baby gets oriented to human face associating with the voice. Why does the infant around three moths lift head or steady the head when carried! It is because an infant by about three months sees till about 2 meters, locates sound and associates sound and sight when they are constant and frequent. 

A mother holds the baby close to her and the baby feels warm, secure and comforted. An infant sleeps faster in mother's arms than when placed on a couch. The way the baby is fed on breast, changed when wet and carried when feeling cold or frightened by large sounds or bright light, gives the baby an emotional nearness to the care giver. It is a habit of most mothers to sing to the baby, carry the baby for short or long periods when awake, and use sound makers or visually engaging toys to give the first time experience with the toys. The secure feeling when the baby is wrapped up in warm clothes, is a comforting experience. Usually an infant by six months gets exposed to the father and other immediate family members and behaves in a familiar way when they engage the infant. 

All the above first time experiences will be lost for the few infants below six months, when displaced from their home following the landslide in Wayanad last week. I am yet to be sure if those few babies are bereft of mother, father or other immediate family members. 

An infant by six months is now in a new environment in a relief camp, without the familiar couch, physical space and comfort of the home. With parents and family in distress, the parenting response would be different from what an infant was used to. 

An infant usually expresses discomfort by crying, which cannot be easily consolable. Such babies cries till they, in exhaustion goes to sleep, but with interruptions without the regular sleep time of two to three hours after a feed. 

I wonder if the relief camp would have a quiet space, preferably a room where mothers can come to feed their infants! I wonder if the available care givers who were familiar with the baby alone attends to a baby in this transition time as too many unfamiliar care givers unsettle the emotional nearness, an infant needs to feel secure. 

For most infants, around six months of age, six to eight weeks will be a transition time to become familiar with new care givers. If mother is unavailable or breast feeding gets discontinued, to get the baby to be fed artificially will be another transition stress to the infant and the care givers. 

An infant is conditioned to experience stability of environment, which was what an infant had for nine months in the mother's womb and in the first few months of infancy.  

Now if the infant has been displaced of the home environment, following the landslide, what is needed is to create another stable environment to which the infant can get readjusted!

The photo of the rose flower above is a symbol- it is fragile, fragrant, and fresh. Its life as a flower is a short time. 

An infant too is similar in the first six months. Most of what is to follow during the next six months till the first birthday is a continuation of the experience of the first six months. 

Let this thought occupy the attention of all those who are involved in caring for infants around six months- a stable, constant, playful, comfortable environment to give continuity of emotional, physical and 

soil environment!

It is necessary to weigh such infants in transition every week, observe their bowel habits to know if they are adequately fed, and a keep diary of their sleep rhythm  to observe if there is a structure that is emerging for the day time and night time behaviour. An infant turns over from back to front by six months. So care to give safety of space for moving in the bed !

I wish a nurse or doctor familiar with infants will observe the infant's behaviour once every five days to look for anything unusual. When an infant is displaced, the immunisation schedule can get dislocated. This needs attention. If the infant is artificially fed, the strict protocol of sterilising the feeding vessels ought to be monitored. If formula feeds are used, the planning to give sufficient calories as the weight increases is another crucial factor!

A displacement from the warm and familiar environment for an infant of six months is a traumatic experience. Our efforts are for lessening the impact of that separation arising from displacement from the familiar environment and to restore semblance of stability and continuity! 

There might be other mothers who are still breast feeding their infant, who might offer to breast feed the infant, if the mother is not available. Whether this is suitable is a medical decision, to be taken jointly by the health care professionals and the family of the infant. 

An infant is in transition by six months as important developmental sequences follow on, between six months and the first birthday. 

The parents of the infant, if they are present, bear the brunt of displacement. They with their other upheavals are vulnerable to anxiety, insomnia, and anorexia. They need support and enablement to adjust amidst their loss and grief. 

If the mother is breast feeding, there might be a sudden reduction in the quantity of breast milk. That calls for attending to take care of the mother, monitoring her food intake, hydration, sleep and emotional state!

The professionals in the relief team would need support for their own wellness as they are listeners and providers in this stressful situation. A weekly debriefing and a break of one day every five days would be desirable.

A psychosocial team, attending to the needs of the professionals will be necessary to safeguard the wellness of the professionals, as the situation is highly stressful for every one in the relief camp.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The Wounded Hills !

The birds spotted in our garden in isolated trees during a heavy rain , three days ago,  brought me close to the experience of children who were  displaced from  their home after the landslide in Wayanad, early this week. The birds who are normally in groups, now are alone, looking down cast and silent without bird calls. 

The news of children who have lost some members of their family or a parent or both parents in the landslide is trickling in. They are in different relief camps. A photo of a seven year old boy carrying his brother of 40 days in his arms, was  shocking to watch !

I felt moved and want to be involved in supporting these children and bereft families who lost their children. However it is too ambitious for me to do any practical help physically, as my age restrains me. 

But I thought of many professionals who would be involved in offering therapeutic help to children and adults and accompany them through their recovery journey. 

This blog which was inactive for a while, is a forum I want to use to share thoughts and experiences with children, who experienced post traumatic transition in their lives. Children being in different developmental stages of life till they become teenagers, it is often necessary to have an individualised protocol of promoting child development and healing!

I shall use this forum to share experiences and thoughts on different aspects related to loneliness, bereftness or grief, children of different ages experience. 

The silence in our garden,  which has regular bird calls during the day reminds me of the stress, that birds encounter during the incessant rains. 

Children, displaced from their home, school and their neighbourhood  have enough of stressful experiences. If they have suffered bereavement, it adds to the upheaval. 

I start this series carrying within me a sense of loss myself, because, it is only by being with children during their distressing time, one can be an enabler for their pathfinding!

I hope this forum can be a link with professionals,  who are involved as front line care givers, for promoting child development and healing!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)